Landfall Exhaustion
After 45 days to cross the largest ocean. The shore should feel like relief. It doesn't. The engine is whispering, the body wants stillness, and the Aleutians don't welcome anyone.
Day 96. By any measure, that's fast. Preparing the boat and crossing the largest ocean in three months after closing is fast. I know that.
I also know that saying it out loud feels like tempting something. We have not crossed yet. We still have 80 miles to go.
The engine started whispering a few days ago. Not shouting, not alarming — whispering. Belt maybe. Transmission maybe. Or nothing, a noise we made up.
For weeks, I've been listening to every sound the boat makes, and I'm tired of listening. I am tired of scrutinizing the ambient noise for potential problems. And I am just tired of the noise. The noise of the engine, the noise of the sails, the noise of the water. A boat is incredibly noisy.
The weather is good. There's nothing to worry about. I worry anyway.